i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
