I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
