you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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