This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Be still, my beating vagina.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
