How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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