so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He passed out mid-signature
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize