got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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