he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i drank out of a bidet.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
