I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have fence marks all over my body
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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