i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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