Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
