Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
