It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is Oprah even human
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
