Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
