He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
