And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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