Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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