do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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