You're so nebulous sometimes
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
