Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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