for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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