a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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