Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
