$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
