somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
