Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.

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(720): View more from Colorado

ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.

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(817): View more from Texas

look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you

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(360): View more from Washington

I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too

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(205): View more from Alabama

How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?

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(585): View more from New York

Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going

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(904): View more from Florida

Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.

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