tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
