I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
