I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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