I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize