Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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