She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
