So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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