Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize