I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
