are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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