fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
