Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
