dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize