I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
