here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im calling her cock vulture from now on
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
