"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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