so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
