I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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