just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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