i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
