Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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