No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
