don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
false alarm, still single
Randomize
