i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize