How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I believe in your delicious
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
