Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When did angry sex become our thing?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize