just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
