The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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