So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize