walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
