I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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