I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
