Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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