His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
