So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
