Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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