i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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